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Badula

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11:36 pm: chapter 8

2

Noah was a great man; he had a lovely wife, Nameless; and three terrific children, Shem, Ham and Japheth; verily, their domestic interaction had a real My Three Sons feel in it; for they were always courteous, and hokey, and unironically used words like "Jeepers!"

3

So I told Noah my plan; and how I meant to save him and his family by having him build an ark of the dimensions 300 cubits by 50 cubits by 30 cubits.

4

(Here I must insert a plea, that mankind at least consider reinstating the cubit system; which remains the most marvelous method of measurement ever invented, putting the metric and imperial systems to shame.

5

Four digits a palm, seven palms a cubit, six cubits a reed, two reeds a nindan and ten nindans an aslu — I defy thee to devise units of greater common-sense and utility; especially to anyone with even a passing interest in the irrigation of millet.)

6

And Noah did wondrous work constructing the ship, considering I bade him to make it of "gopher wood"; that is the phrase used in Genesis, and scholars ever since have debated exactly what type of wood was so denoted; and the answer is, no type at all;

7

For gopher wood was at that time a euphemism, for lead-bolted plate steel.

15

What I said was, "Put two of any animal on board the ship."

25

No; all the other animals — the beasts, and the birds of the air, and the creeping things of the earth — all of them were zapped frozen and left floating in ice cubes until the whole thing was over.



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